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    September 28

    Vacation

    I feel it time for a series of two and three day mini-vacations before winter hits.  I have an urge to revisit some college campuses within a three hour drive to walk the grounds again and maybe catch a Greek play or a concert by a grad student.  The snack bar at Harpur college at SUNY Binghamton used to have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the universe.  Colgate is beautiful in the fall.   I haven't seen New Paltz in about 5 years.  Lots of memories in those places, and a few old friends, still.
     
    I never took vacations when I was working full time.  It might be time to break that habit.  I need some time alone without clocks or phones or kids or cats.  Pack a little bag, leave a note on the counter, and start the car.  Sounds easy.
     
    September 24

    Poem to Youth, to You

    Talk about bizarre, this is off the charts.
    Sensibilities of a 1500 year old immortal
    stuffed inside the body of a 20-something. 
     
    Sure. you are willing.
    Still it is all too strange.
    Strange should not be an emotion I have anymore
    I have seen strange, lived it, gone beyond it,
    grown tired of it all.
     
    Leave it to you
    to redefine all of it.
    To tell me how little
    I really know.
     
    I am ready to listen,
    to learn all over again.
    Say something to me in Latin,
    in Aramaic, in classical Greek,
    in Middle English. 
     
    Go.  Do what you do. 
    Amaze us.
    Teach us that the world
    comes around again
    renews itself
    surprises us.
     
    Tell us how
    we're constantly being
    reborn.
     
     
    cas (2006)
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

    From Comment to Post

    Rilke, Part of the 5th Elegy, Duino Elegies:
     

    Angel! O, gather it, pluck it, that small-flowered healing herb.

    Make a vase, keep it safe! Place it among those joys not yet

    open to us: on a lovely urn,

    praise it, with flowery, swirling, inscription:

                                      ‘Subrisio Saltat: the Saltimbanque’s smile’

    You, then, beloved,

    you, that the loveliest delights

    silently over-leapt. Perhaps

    your frills are happy for you –

    or the green metallic silk,

    over your firm young breasts,

    feels itself endlessly pampered, and needing nothing.

    You, market fruit of serenity

    laid out, endlessly, on all the quivering balance scales,

    publicly, beneath the shoulders.

     

    Where, oh where is the place – I carry it in my heart –

    where they were still far from capable, still fell away

    from each other, like coupling animals, not yet

    ready for pairing: -

    where the weights are still heavy:

    where the plates still topple

    from their vainly twirling

    sticks.......


    And, suddenly, in this troublesome nowhere, suddenly,

    the unsayable point where the pure too-little

    is changed incomprehensibly -, altered

    into that empty too-much.

    Where the many-placed calculation

    is exactly resolved.

     

     Squares: O square in Paris, endless show-place,

    where the milliner, Madame Lamort,

    winds and twists the restless trails of the earth,

    endless ribbons, into new

    bows, frills, flowers, rosettes, artificial fruits – all

    falsely coloured, - for winter’s

    cheap hats of destiny.

     

    Angel: if there were a place we know nothing of, and there,

    on some unsayable carpet, lovers revealed

    what here they could never master, their high daring

    figures of heart’s flight,

    their towers of desire, their ladders,

    long since standing where there was no ground, leaning,

    trembling, on each other – and mastered them,

    in front of the circle of watchers, the countless, soundless dead:

    Would these not fling their last, ever-saved,

    ever-hidden, unknown to us, eternally

    valid coins of happiness in front of the finally

    truly smiling pair on the silent

    carpet?

    _________________________________________________

    this poem provided courtesy of Mercy @:  http://goldeneyedgoddess.spaces.live.com/

    _________________________________________________

    some music: John Lennon

                      Rolling Stones

    September 09

    2/14 of a Sonnet

    You cannot give what you don't have you say
    then, turning, said goodbye and walked away.
     
    cas (September, 2006)
    _________________ 
     
    September 07

    Fragment from an Unfinished Play

    ....FRIEND:  But the last time we talked I thought you said you finally found somebody who gave you what you really wanted, who appreciated you and said he loved you every day.  This went on, what?, almost a year?  What the hell happened?  Did he lose interest in you?
     
    MAIN CHARACTER:  No, he got TOO interested.  I backed away.  Look, this is really none of your concern.
     
    (pause)
     
    F (in a slow, low, measured voice):  Listen, girlfriend, knowing each other as long as we have, you can tell me this is none of my BUSINESS, but don't you dare tell me it's none of my CONCERN.  I am concerned about you.  We are friends.  I won't go places you don't want me to go.  Just tell me how you're coping with everything now, will you?
     
    MC:  Running.
     
    F:  Running...  as in, "jogging?"
     
    MC:  No, running as in, "as fast as I can," as in, "away."
     
    F:  You can run away from him, run away from my questions.  Those are your choices.  Sooner or later you'll have to stop for air, to sleep, to take a break.  Questions will pop up in your own mind that you'll need answers for.  What then?  What will your answer to yourself be? 
     
    (extended silence)
     
    F:  This conversation is over, isn't it?
     
    MC:  Yes...
    September 06

    Poem Without Words (repost)

    Poem Without Words

     

    You spread your lies in front of me
    with all the artistry and ease of a Russian grandmother
    smoothing the wrinkles of a linen tablecloth
    before the Sabbath meal.
     
    Your lies and self-deceptions
    are antique cups and saucers,
    translucent, brittle,
    beautiful and sad.
    You set them, one by one and carefully,
    on clean, white linen.
     
    No need to set a place for me.
    I'm not here to be charmed
    with your slow and practiced dance,
    the bad coffee, your small-talk.
    I'm not here to tell you that I know
    your things are packed already, and tomorrow
    you will run again without goodbyes.
     
    I'm here to see you one more time
    and, in the silence you require,
    I'll help you set your grand oak table
    with linen cloth and cups again
    and one last lie.
     
    cas (1996)
     
    __________________________________
     
    In rearranging my archives, I stumbled across this.  First, I can't believe this one is 10 years old.   I did post it once on Spaces back in May, 2005.  It's one of a series written during troubled times.
     
    I remember it forcing itself through me to paper.  It was haunting and insistent.   I don't know why I wrote it.   No choice on my part.   It wasn't until late this summer that I understood what it's about.  
     
    Sometimes life hands you spooky shit.  I'll make it a point to read it again next year to see what it means then...
     
     
    September 04

    Looking Back

    repeat of post from Feb 2006:

    ___________________________________

    From "Power of the Visible, " 1971

     
    A Taste of Anise
     
     
     
     
     
    because you can't stand to be cared about
    to be touched too deeply
    to bear the weight of affection
         you'd have me lie to you
         to myself
         say I never loved you
    if I didn't then
    it's probably true
    I don't now
     
     
    Robert Dane
     
     
    ____________________
     
     
    so much in so few words, just like you