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September 28 VacationI feel it time for a series of two and three day mini-vacations before winter hits. I have an urge to revisit some college campuses within a three hour drive to walk the grounds again and maybe catch a Greek play or a concert by a grad student. The snack bar at Harpur college at SUNY Binghamton used to have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the universe. Colgate is beautiful in the fall. I haven't seen New Paltz in about 5 years. Lots of memories in those places, and a few old friends, still.
I never took vacations when I was working full time. It might be time to break that habit. I need some time alone without clocks or phones or kids or cats. Pack a little bag, leave a note on the counter, and start the car. Sounds easy.
September 24 Poem to Youth, to YouTalk about bizarre, this is off the charts.
Sensibilities of a 1500 year old immortal
stuffed inside the body of a 20-something.
Sure. you are willing.
Still it is all too strange.
Strange should not be an emotion I have anymore
I have seen strange, lived it, gone beyond it,
grown tired of it all.
Leave it to you
to redefine all of it.
To tell me how little
I really know.
I am ready to listen,
to learn all over again.
Say something to me in Latin,
in Aramaic, in classical Greek,
in Middle English.
Go. Do what you do.
Amaze us.
Teach us that the world
comes around again
renews itself
surprises us.
Tell us how
we're constantly being
reborn.
cas (2006)
From Comment to PostRilke, Part of the 5th Elegy, Duino Elegies:
Angel! O, gather it, pluck it, that small-flowered healing herb. Make a vase, keep it safe! Place it among those joys not yet open to us: on a lovely urn, praise it, with flowery, swirling, inscription: ‘Subrisio Saltat: the Saltimbanque’s smile’ You, then, beloved, you, that the loveliest delights silently over-leapt. Perhaps your frills are happy for you – or the green metallic silk, over your firm young breasts, feels itself endlessly pampered, and needing nothing. You, market fruit of serenity laid out, endlessly, on all the quivering balance scales, publicly, beneath the shoulders.
Where, oh where is the place – I carry it in my heart – where they were still far from capable, still fell away from each other, like coupling animals, not yet ready for pairing: - where the weights are still heavy: where the plates still topple from their vainly twirling sticks....... And, suddenly, in this troublesome nowhere, suddenly, the unsayable point where the pure too-little is changed incomprehensibly -, altered into that empty too-much. Where the many-placed calculation is exactly resolved.
Squares: O square in Paris, endless show-place, where the milliner, Madame Lamort, winds and twists the restless trails of the earth, endless ribbons, into new bows, frills, flowers, rosettes, artificial fruits – all falsely coloured, - for winter’s cheap hats of destiny.
Angel: if there were a place we know nothing of, and there, on some unsayable carpet, lovers revealed what here they could never master, their high daring figures of heart’s flight, their towers of desire, their ladders, long since standing where there was no ground, leaning, trembling, on each other – and mastered them, in front of the circle of watchers, the countless, soundless dead: Would these not fling their last, ever-saved, ever-hidden, unknown to us, eternally valid coins of happiness in front of the finally truly smiling pair on the silent carpet? _________________________________________________ this poem provided courtesy of Mercy @: http://goldeneyedgoddess.spaces.live.com/ _________________________________________________ some music: John Lennon September 09 2/14 of a SonnetYou cannot give what you don't have you say
then, turning, said goodbye and walked away.
cas (September, 2006)
_________________
September 07 Fragment from an Unfinished Play....FRIEND: But the last time we talked I thought you said you finally found somebody who gave you what you really wanted, who appreciated you and said he loved you every day. This went on, what?, almost a year? What the hell happened? Did he lose interest in you?
MAIN CHARACTER: No, he got TOO interested. I backed away. Look, this is really none of your concern.
(pause)
F (in a slow, low, measured voice): Listen, girlfriend, knowing each other as long as we have, you can tell me this is none of my BUSINESS, but don't you dare tell me it's none of my CONCERN. I am concerned about you. We are friends. I won't go places you don't want me to go. Just tell me how you're coping with everything now, will you?
MC: Running.
F: Running... as in, "jogging?"
MC: No, running as in, "as fast as I can," as in, "away."
F: You can run away from him, run away from my questions. Those are your choices. Sooner or later you'll have to stop for air, to sleep, to take a break. Questions will pop up in your own mind that you'll need answers for. What then? What will your answer to yourself be?
(extended silence)
F: This conversation is over, isn't it?
MC: Yes... September 06 Poem Without Words (repost)Poem Without Words
You spread your lies in front of me
with all the artistry and ease of a Russian grandmother
smoothing the wrinkles of a linen tablecloth
before the Sabbath meal.
Your lies and self-deceptions
are antique cups and saucers,
translucent, brittle,
beautiful and sad.
You set them, one by one and carefully,
on clean, white linen.
No need to set a place for me.
I'm not here to be charmed
with your slow and practiced dance,
the bad coffee, your small-talk.
I'm not here to tell you that I know
your things are packed already, and tomorrow
you will run again without goodbyes.
I'm here to see you one more time
and, in the silence you require,
I'll help you set your grand oak table
with linen cloth and cups again
and one last lie.
cas (1996)
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In rearranging my archives, I stumbled across this. First, I can't believe this one is 10 years old. I did post it once on Spaces back in May, 2005. It's one of a series written during troubled times.
I remember it forcing itself through me to paper. It was haunting and insistent. I don't know why I wrote it. No choice on my part. It wasn't until late this summer that I understood what it's about.
Sometimes life hands you spooky shit. I'll make it a point to read it again next year to see what it means then...
September 04 Looking Backrepeat of post from Feb 2006:___________________________________From "Power of the Visible, " 1971A Taste of Anise
because you can't stand to be cared about
to be touched too deeply
to bear the weight of affection
you'd have me lie to you
to myself
say I never loved you
if I didn't then
it's probably true
I don't now
Robert Dane
____________________
so much in so few words, just like you |
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